It's Hard to Tell

It's really hard for me to tell a lot of things. I'm happy, yet I'm not happy. Ok, I won't go back into another contradictory spiel, but I must say that somethings really, really confuse me.

I suppose I will use my words above to explain a few things:

I should be perfectly happy. I sometimes am. I have a great girlfriend. I have wonderful friends. I feel wanted. I have talent. I have direction. I'm me. I have a lot more self-esteem than I did about a month ago.

Then again, the latter might be the reason for my weirdness.

I'm not happy because: I can't convince myself of certain things. I can't keep my mind straight. I can't always control my emotion. I can't control everything that goes on. I can't make everything the way it should be.

For one odd reason or another, I feel like I'm waking up from a wonderful dream and I realize that it never happened. The only thing is, it has. And it is happening. I need to talk to you about this. We'll make time for it.