I'm sorry...yet another journal

Nobody really reads this one, anyways. Well, at very few, at most. Hee hee, I like paradox. I might post on this one about every 4 months, or something like that, but here's the link to my new journal:http://fallsurf.com/lovemuscle/index.php?view=blog&user=fRoggie& It's a really exclusive journalling community, so you probably won't be able to get an account, even if you wanted to, but you can at least read what I post! I'm off now. Computer Apps. sucks...

Reasons For Fear

One reason for my uneasiness of late:

It may seem silly to some, but when you're in my position it's easy to take it to heart. I had a dream last night. A really bad one where I was trying to be murdered. People were trying to hunt me down, and everytime I called 911, they ignored me. I would see a police car drive by, but they wouldn't stop to help. Even worse, it started with a kid that was in my middle school class, but let me explain what happened before I went to sleep.

I was in a vulnerable state for one reason or another (not because of anything really...just an imbalance on my part). And eventually, my mind flashed back to a time when i elbowed the class bully in the chin because he was roughing me up. I kept on imagining the look on his face, the disbelief, because the class loser fought back...it quickly morphed into the face of hurt, anger, and disobedience that was his yearbook picture the last year I ever heard of him.

I was in class being sentimental with my students when that body attacked me with a pencil. And I don't mean he was trying to hit me with it. He was trying to stab me through the heart. I had lowered my head to gather my thoughts and he taps me on the shoulder and pulls my head up by my hair and says, "That's so sweet. Wanna die?" I deflect it so it only breaks skin on my right shoulder and break the pencil. I quickly call 911, but have to run or else the kid is going to come at me again. I'm outside my church running around trying to find the police officer, but he drives straight past. I call 911 on my cell and they say that they'll send someone else in a very dull, uninterested tone. Scared out of my mind, I run and run.

*cut to Shawnee Mission Parkway and Nieman* I'm inside the Meineke that's connected to Advanced Auto Parts and some other killer tries to attack me. He paces the garages and is searching the area after i run out, and I call 911 again. I tell the them what's happening, and she doesn't believe me.

*cut to me being cornered by killer* He's about to kill me in an unknown fashion, and I wake. No cold sweat. No heavy breathing. Just me trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It scares me more that I remember what happens in such in depth detail. Someone wanna analyze my dream and tell me what it means?

Here Comes The Sun!

It's really hard to express how good i feel right now...despite my obvious and extensive exhaustion. I guess it's kind of hard for you guys to tell because I haven't posted on here in a long time. I really do enjoy getting feedback (in the form of comments), and that's why I post on my Xanga a lot more. No offense, but I doubt very many people read my blog in the first place.

I'm really tired...I'll write more later.

Xanga!

I made another post on my xanga. I wrote it in the style that I write on here, but I didn't feel like copy and pasting...I guess you're going to have to go there if you wanna read it! :-P http://www.xanga.com/wandering_elf/

A Bit of Info

I use blogger for my more creative and serious posts. I do post on my xanga a lot more because I feel it's more informal. If you even just check the difference between my typing conventions, then you can just see the major gap. Anyways, if you would like to read what I have to say more often then read my xanga. The link is right off the the side there.

Lacking...

Ok, I admit, I've gone rather lax about writing here. I write a lot more on my xanga because so many more people have it...well, at least as people at my school go. Rachel made an interesting point that you have a lot more custom options than on xanga, and that xanga was designed more for younger people (don't think she said that, but that's what I've seen). It's true that many seniors go off to college and still write on their xangas, but that's probably because that's all they've known. Heck, I didn't even know about blogger before I met Rachel. It's a lot harder to learn, especially if you have no computer/HTML sense (me, I lack the HTML sense). All this coding and stuff really threw me off because I know very minimal HTML and don't have enough patience to figure something seemingly complex out that I don't know already.

...I actually feel kinda stupid for my lack of blogging skills:-(

But that's ok! You still love me, don't you?

We had Early Music Ensemble rehearsal today! It was really surprising because I played a lot better today than I have any other year! And we also have two performances!!! You really don't know how exciting this is...I love performing at the Renaissance Festival. It's always a great day hanging out with friends, taking a detour back in time, playing some very old music, and eating the wonderful free food backstage. *sigh* I can't wait...

Hmmm....I started this post twenty minutes ago. Meh.

Gah...I'm so incredibly swamped with homework...I should probably get on that.

Long Time, No Post...But So Much More

...but other than that, you need not any more words. If you know, then you know, and, as far as i know, only one person other than myself knows. Feelings unknown reside in my journal. It's open to two people in this world.

Nevermind. I talk too much:-P.

I'm completely overjoyed:-D.